what i need for now.

colourful life. now my life is so grey. mixture of white and black. mana hijau pucuk paku? mana kuning kerepek? mana merah halimah? xdak. p mana tatau la.

vibrant energy cos i'm so sleepy and tired around the clock kecuali kalau dlm kelas. xsempat nak kelip mata. there're always something that will keep my eyes wide open although sometimes my spirit is nowhere to be found.

new handbag. seriously to date bag is so down to drain. smua zip dah tecabut. so, just tinggal 1 jer skrg yang aku suka. kamonla, women need atleast how many handbags? based on k.ina, we atleast need 3 handbags. the 'it' bag, the cocktail purse and the extra large bag. as such i reall need 2s more. aku sgt tak membazir selepas pegang duit sendiri cos hell i know how hard is to earn every penny. sayang nak spend. but i'm always broke in the middle of the month. when was the last time i had a really true shopping? thousand years ago i guess. tu pon atas belas ehsan ayah. aduhh.

ideas. for teaching. i really need to crack open my head and lick all the leftover of creativity.. desperate moment. cos nowadays studs are easily bored with talk and chalk and handouts. they need drama..they hunger for glam0ur. so let the game begins.

loves for everybody.. cos i so damn hate every one that blocks my way to the washroom. sebab now i really need to blow my nose every 20 secs.. flu.

my voice back. lost it again. 2nd time in two years teching. kena belajar keluar suara dari perut ni.. save my vocal cord.

that's all for now..

the negativity about me.

Today i 've gut to write again. its been sometimes since the last post. i'd type and then i backout. just not in the mood. i just love reading other people's blogs. really enjoying that and i did learn something out of it. i've soo many things to spill out but lack of everything in putting them down.


There's always a big wall againts me. i just become cleared about that when i was watching "run fat boy run" . not that i didn't realise about it before this.i just dont want to. it's hard to run down the big wall. for a person who is 25 and always depend on others decisions. i just wait for something to happen. i love life without comitment and responsibility. i love when i accomplisht little things which is good i guesss. i did blame on others on their decisions. i just need to be clear on what i want.

This year, i dont have any resolution. just want to do my part well. i just want to be a grateful daughter to my dad and my moms. a good sister to my sisters and brothers and a better teacher to my students. overall, i just want to be good to everyone especially to all my family members. missing them already. sorry tok. just hurting them too much wif my foul mouth.

I easily fall for others yet hate them at the same time.gila. so much envy in my heart. i just need to get rid of these bad feelings toward others. i have such a good life but never appreciate it. i hate everything about my life when i suppose to be gratefull. i just want to be home. when everything runs below me. here everything just flows above me. i've been so left out with everything. kak ina's getting married and i'm stuck here. to sad to think about it. when i will be back? the night before her big day..sorry.

the lists are just too long..i just hope that this year will be the year. tiba-tiba tringat lagu change.

rindu la.