time won't tell everything.

why is hard for her to just left all behind.

when time could no longer show the future.

where all the surprises were too brutal to be wait for.

when there's no light to even the sad tone on her face.

but the colour of his belligerent eyes.

move her obstinate heart.

down, flatten then bloom over again.

crack, open, unwrap the gratified she.

well, she is her.

like everybody used to say,

bye is never near her.

not in her dependent mind.

time won't tell everything.

when she just stood there to be told.

the path of her dreams. their dreams..

that's what he used to tame her wild spirit.

with dreams.

never ending dreams.

and she foresees them.

she is not me. not even her. you maybe.

nobody's confession.

-rus-

some thoughts of motherhood

some thoughts that i'd quote from rd. so true though i never been a mother yet. just a daughter of one great mom.

• Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby... that somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.
• Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct... that somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
• Somebody said being a mother is boring... that somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.
• Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"... that somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.
• Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices... that somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.
• Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother... that somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.
• Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first... that somebody doesn't have five children.
• Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books... that somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.
• Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery... that somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten... or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."
• Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back... that somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.
• Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married... that somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.
• Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home... that somebody never had grandchildren.
• Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her... that somebody isn't a mother

love you mom, always do.

the negativity about me.

Today i 've gut to write again. its been sometimes since the last post. i'd type and then i backout. just not in the mood. i just love reading other people's blogs. really enjoying that and i did learn something out of it. i've soo many things to spill out but lack of everything in putting them down.


There's always a big wall againts me. i just become cleared about that when i was watching "run fat boy run" . not that i didn't realise about it before this.i just dont want to. it's hard to run down the big wall. for a person who is 25 and always depend on others decisions. i just wait for something to happen. i love life without comitment and responsibility. i love when i accomplisht little things which is good i guesss. i did blame on others on their decisions. i just need to be clear on what i want.

This year, i dont have any resolution. just want to do my part well. i just want to be a grateful daughter to my dad and my moms. a good sister to my sisters and brothers and a better teacher to my students. overall, i just want to be good to everyone especially to all my family members. missing them already. sorry tok. just hurting them too much wif my foul mouth.

I easily fall for others yet hate them at the same time.gila. so much envy in my heart. i just need to get rid of these bad feelings toward others. i have such a good life but never appreciate it. i hate everything about my life when i suppose to be gratefull. i just want to be home. when everything runs below me. here everything just flows above me. i've been so left out with everything. kak ina's getting married and i'm stuck here. to sad to think about it. when i will be back? the night before her big day..sorry.

the lists are just too long..i just hope that this year will be the year. tiba-tiba tringat lagu change.

rindu la.