Umbrella karma

I'd read this post from 1 awesome blog: 1000 awesomethings. 1 of them is umbrella karma and i found it very fascinating.

Umbrella karma is when you lose your umbrella somewhere but then randomly find another one somewhere else.

Whoops, left your rainshade in the restaurant? No worries, there’s an extra one in your front closet from last week’s party. Shoot, did you leave yours at the back of the bus? Well don’t worry because there’s six of them in the corner of this coat rack.

Let your mind slip back and remember all the umbrellas you’ve left under movie seats and in taxi cabs over the years. Smile because you’re part of our great big Secret Shared Umbrella World and we’re all looking out for you. So don’t worry next time you forget your umbrella somewhere… because we’ve recorded your donation and we’ll leave another one out for

And 1 of the comments caught my eyes:
There is an umbrella movement all about paying it forward with umbrellas! I found out about it when a kind soul stopped their car while i was walking in the rain to give me a spare umbrella with a simple request that I pass it on the next time i see someone without one and dont need it :) and I got too

Raya korban

Tahun 2010.
Raya korban di benut.
Masjidnya xpenuh dibahagian wanita.
Katanya disini org perempuan tak p solat raya korban.
Mungkin sbb tu tempat utk wanita tak dikemas.
Seperti tidak menjangkakan kehadiran kami kaum hawa.
Sejadah tak disediakan.
Kawasannya berhabuk.
Tapi hampir separuh bahagian penuh dengan golongan wanita yg datang untuk solat hari raya.
Selamat hari raya korban.
Dirumah cuma ada kek coklat buatan kak akma,
Tiada nasi daging mak.
Tiada ketupat tok.
Tiada sesi salam, begambar.
Segalanya ala perantau.

Joked!

Hahah..firstly i hv to laugh for my own stupidity.
Why on earth did i open my heavy mouth n said the most lame jokes ever with my principal.
I should just say bye! But no, i said something. That something, that only something would leave mark on her. Hahah..n its not even funny.
Aku memang kena stop buat silly jokes! Actually its nothing. Infact now i couldnt even recall what was her reaction..i didnt look at her face when i uttered that something. So technically, i act didnt know her face reaction. Wether she buy it or not. But still! Oh how i wish i was not there.

just stop this nonsense..

i may be shallow,
i may be too paranoia,
but another movies about bohsia? about all the illegal cultures??
before this, when i happen to watch these kinds of craps, i just thought that no one would ever fall for these shit. seriously.
but now, having to experience teaching in this god-knows-where area, i was totally wrong! these boys will buy for any concept that will make them look good. they look up to these clan.the gang idea. the moves. they even honoured to be called mat rempit. pailang(bapak segala gangster) etc..
yes, some of us may say that movies never shaped the viewer, if yes why do malaysians still uncivilised despite all of the campaigns. senang jer bang, benda baik memang susah nak ikut.
for these boys, malay movies are their nearest references. they never read, hardly watch news, and never been exposed to the positive cultures if not for the school activities..and nowadays dramas dont help either, i remembered one wise man said "drama sekarang menayangkan terlalu banyak cerita2 yang negative, pengajarannya terlalu sedikit dan hanya di penghujung ceita". its like watching 99% the wrong conducts and finally the consequences of the wrong doings, hoping that viewers will learn something out of it. ada ker? dapat ker?
ghost stories?? apa pengajarannya?? dari mula sampai habis cerita tentang dendam, ilmu hitam, dengki, n stuff.. it just brings us malays back to our ancient hole. bila nak maju??

singapora

just came back from singapore.
wut can i say.
the city is very organised. clean. practical.
the people there were kind of friendly.
didn't do any research before going there. regret it till now.
wasted so many hours just to find the agency which i didnt have to.
we should just go straight to the resort world.
geramnya. trip to universal studio was a blast!!! the games there really nervebreaking. best.
i like singapore. one day isnt enough.

Konpius

Aku konpius..whether to let it goes or to tag along.. But for now i just let the time chooses it for me.

yes i do

i miss him.
and this is the least i could do.
wish for the best out of this impetus.

not in the best moment.

im stress out rite now. really in a bad aura. miss her so badly. more than anything else.
this will be the last time. try to get rid everything that will remind me of the memories.
need my ecstasy..merah. but you just so far away. im so addicted to you.to your smile, your giggle, your mumbling sound, your firm round cuddling flesh, your cry.its just you who can shut my world behind me. who can conceal all the craze. bury the black hole. your cry will drown out the whimpering sound inside me.
will settle everything tomorrow. n tomorrow will be a fresh start. new way. new dream. new target. new direction..but the same old me surrounded with the typical dull background. i m bored, torn down, helplessly missing something.
mixed up with almost everthing.

Bestfren

If you could give me the exact word to define a bestfriend.
Loyal?
What do you mean by loyal?
Seriously?
Never you downtalk behind her back?
Pleased with every small problem she turn to you to?
Always a vacant shoulder to be lean on to?
Never run out if money when needed?
Call her now and then.
Share ups and downs.
Now, I really need to know it now.

Sekolah..

"aku nak ikut hg p jalan2 lg Fatin!"
"tak bole wey, hg kena balik awai. Esok hg sekolah!"
"wuaaaaa! Aku kena sekolah. mcm budakbudak! Smpai ketuakah aku akan berada Di sekolah?? sekolah tak sudah!
Aku akur lalu pulang ke benut. Bohsan balik hidup.
Karoke lagu "hampa" memang layan la.

Sekadar renungan bln puasa.

Kebelakangan ini banyak sangat bencana alam yang berlaku dikalangan kita. Here are some thoughtful writing taken from solusi which most if us including me tend to ignore the signs that obviously shown infront of our own bare eyes.
Sabda rasulullah s.a.w. ; "apabila harta baitulmal tidak dibahagikan kpd hak, Dan amanah menjadi tawanan org, Dan zakat dipandang sbg denda(paksaan), belajar ilmu agama bukan kerana Allah, suami taatkan isteri, derhaka kpd ibubapa, seseorg lebih memuliakan kawan drpd bapanya, besuara keras didlm masjid, org fasiq mnjadi ketua, org hina mnjadi pemimpin, dimuliakan seseorang kerana takutkan kejahatannya, ramai penyanyi wanita, byk alunan muzik yg bertali, diminum arak drpd pelbagai jenis, org Islam kemudian melaknat org Islam yg awal, maka apabila berlaku perkara2 itu tunggulah turunya angin taufan yg dasyat, gempa bumi, sedutan bumi, bertukar rupa manusia kpd kera Dan Babi, lontaran2 azab, Dan azab Akan turun satu lepas satu spt rantai manik yg telah putus Dan teburai.
Mana antara diatas yg tak terdapat dalam Malaysia.aku rasa semua tanda2 kemungkaran diatas dah ada. Cuma tunggu masa ja nk dpt balasannya. Sekadar renungan untuk kita bersama.

Kisah hari ini.

My classes ended at 1150. So i went back to teacher's room and start marking books.suddenly I recieved SMS from is telling me she was on her back to seremban.she took crk on Friday..so I took my bag and went to to the office to apply crk for tomorrow. Aku nak balik kg jugak wey...wawawawa. But now here I am again in bilik peperiksaan sebab takut nk p mintak cuti.takut kena reject lagi. It's been half an hour now and I still need extra power to ask permisson. Ya Allah tolonglah hambamu ini yg rindukan kampung halaman serta isi didalamnya.

Marhaban ya Ramadan

Bersempena dengan kedatangan Ramadan ni, aku dengan tulus seikhlas hati nak memohon maaf sekiranya tutur kata dan bicara kasar ini terhiris luka hati sesiapa. Biasalah mulut manusia memang selalu telanjur kata, telebih bicara. Semoga dengan kedatangan puasa ini aku lebih diam drpd berkata atau bersangka buruk..
Dah telajak cakap bulan puasa ni tak sedaq yg tahun ni dh masuk 2thn aku sambut puasa di benut. Dulu kalau time study 1st puasa mesti balik buka kt rumah. Tp thn ni nampaknya anakanda rusputih tak dapat pulang sebab 1st day posa jatuh hari rabu. Mana nak Dan balik.. Rindu la nak mkn best2 hari pertama. Selalunya takda yg beli.semuanya masakan rumah kecuali buah Dan kueh dulu dulu.Masakan paling diinginkan dibulan yg mulia ini tentulah gulai ikan temenung, gulai udang, gulai ketam Dan gulai gulai sebagainya. Dulu kalau masa kecikkecik tak posa kena jaga pintu depan.jaga setan kata ayah.sapa suruh tak posa.biaq org yg posa mkn dulu..rasnya mcm tak penah jaga pintu kot. Puasa waktu kecik mmg best sebab malamnya penuh aktiviti selepas terawih. Terawihnya 2 rakaat ja, yg lebih p baling mercun.

aku dia? dan kamu

siapa dia.
kawan mu?
kekasih mu?
jika kamu ada dia,
apa gunanya aku di sini?
teman berbual sebelum tidur mu,
pencetus hari siang mu?
aku dicari apabila kamu sunyi.
kawan semasa perut mu berbunyi,
peneman supaya makan mu tidak bersendiri.
tapi aku peduli apa,
janji kita bahagia.
aku bahagia.
bila sampai masa,
aku menunggu kamu di sana.

beauteous qoute

wise man make proverbs, but fools repeat them;))

4years and still counting..

it's been 4 years now. i still have the same feeling for you like back years when we were still young and naive. heart you with all my brain.
it's you i turn to when no one else seems to bother. never fail to make me laugh my stomach out, cry with joy and smile till jaw drops. though we had lot of arguments, slip of tongue, broke up few times but had times to mend them back. being cheated. back mouthed to each other. deep down i know we love us. i just hope we are destined to each other.

Berserk week

Everything seemed to fall out from places. First, the petisyen was turned down. Then my crk was rejected.
she who did half of the work will get all the blames.

I don't give a shit with all the dramas.

Whether you like it or not I don't give a damn shit. Never thought that I will go through this little thing again.You should be grateful I did this. It just made things easier between us.it has nothing to do with you, it just I have this feeling inside me that told me to do so. Adding more to this is I just don't want to be a hypocrite. enough with what I'm rite now. No hate no drama ok.speakers are on when there are ready.use it wisely cos everybody owns one. As my mother used to say, if not you theN whom?? Love u mom. Always do. are you afraid of your own shadow? then? So Just let it be. No harm. Love, me. See you tomorrow babe.

Penyakit lama

This feeling is not good.jangan baca kalau anda rasa anda mungkin tergolong dalam golongan ini. 
Aku dah mula start perangai lama.
Benci tanpa sebab munasabah.
Habih semua org kena.
Org yg terlalu obses dengan diri sendiri pon jadi mangsa. Tapi golongan ni memang patut dibenci. Bukannya aku tak penah tangkap gmbaq sendiri. Tapi tak sebanyak itu. Mungkin sebeb muka aku huduh kalau ditangkap sendiri..apa tak memadai ka tangkap 3 keping dengan pose yg sama.itu normal.tapi Kenapa perlu diulang ulang sampai 10 Kali.mmg obses la tu. Dan makin tak munasabah kebencian aku bila aku rasa mcm nak block ja golongan ini. Ni penyakit. Berjangkit bila aku racuni orang.  
Aku juga mula syakwasanka yg semua nak ambil kesempatan terhadap keupayaan aku. Ada upaya apa pon tak tau. Upaya untuk berkata ok atau upaya utk apa shj yg tak melibatkan Wang ringgit.Aku meluat dengan kereta yg teramat slow walaupun aku drive tak lebih 80kmh jalan biasa.maksudnya Ada lagi yg kemut. Beskal iswal pon lagi laju. Ni pon tak munasabah gak. Lambat lagi selamat. 
Aku meluat drama melayu yg suka flashback benda yg sama berulang2 sebab nak bagi cerita panjang. Sama la dgn orang yang suka becerita panjang berjela2 bila short cut tu ada..aku memang tak bole dengaq. Meluat dgn hari isnin tak payah nak cerita la. Sapa yg suka hari isnin??habaq mai aku nak motivasi sikit. Aku juga perasan yang baru baru ni aku tak berapa berkenan dengan seseorang kerana sipat rajin dia yg menyusahkan aku.bukannya aku malas cuma ada beza dengan cari pasai ngn cari peluang. Aku juga meluat dgn muka sombong cashier.walaupun muka aku sombong tapi dia tak layak utk sombong lg ngn aku sbb aku customer. Makin lama makin relevence pulak benci aku.lagi aku tak bole tahan orang yg suka buat lawak bodoh. Seriously mmg dia tak rasa ka lawak dia mmg darjat sampah. Nak senyum pon tak selera.tapi buat aku menyampah kena buat2 gelak sebab dia usaha terang 3 4 Kali. Rasanya aku tak suka lelaki melayu metroseksual kot..mungkin. I'm pretty jugmental here.no men should wear moisturiser. Sangat la shallow pemikiran aku.man should fear no dry skin or wrinkle. Act like one ok. tu apa yg aku rasa. Tapi kalu laki pakai bedak sejuk aku tak kisah. Sbb kecik2 lagi mmg tok tok kita tempek bedak sejuk tak Kira jantina. And the lists go on and on into the bin. No hard feelings if one this hits your own nose. Cuma luahan tak bersebab.yg trigger aku adalah self pictured person. Tapi aku paling benci tahap tak bole ubat orang yg buang smpah samada from moving vehicle or moving legs. Sebab makhluk2 bernyawa tanpa otak n sivik ni takda rasa bersalah dgn mmbuang smpah. yg Ada cuma rasa tanggungjawab mmastikan pekerja bandaran ada kerja dgn mengutip sampah tu. Gila punya pemikiran.  

desires and me

There are plenty of desires inside me.
I want to be everything except for things that revolve with numbers and blood.anything Else is okay wif me.I can do almost anything but never good at any of them. I can draw but not eye catching enough. I can write for my own pleasure, I can do crafts but not that artsy, I can cook to full only the empty stomach. I can sing to my loves one. I can sew with minor details, I can run if were chased.basically i can do almost anything.
today i watched inception..some of the points that make me think until now is, we can hardly remember the starting of our own dreams. always start in the middle of something. absolutely rite..plus whether they are really succeeded in the mission or it just another dream layers.
very interesting movie to digest with.

Saturday morning

Woke up and realised I was late for the movie trip..I rarely get up this late.not this late, 1030. Grab my towel and went to the toilet. Rained myself out and while showering, oh I thought I looked at my phone clock and it stated 2230. Aik.it supposed to show 1030. Then I got out and looked out at the windows. No shining sun. It's still cold outside. Then I looked at my watch. Nahhhhh.730. I knew it already. Why do people hardly trust their own instinct???? So now here I am laying in bed typing this entry. Hahahaha.

Simple road is love.

Love is a simple road.
The straight line always.
No bumpy neither boundry,
Distraction or unfinished constructions.
Gps or maps are good for nothing.
Compass adds no extra value.
To a straight line loves.
All one needs is to choose a road with hair-raising terrain.
With the fantabulous hoi pollois.
No second thought in love.
Scamper with little worry,
whereas tomorrows always promised happiness.
I love simple road.

      

Semangat yg hilang kita Cari jalan pulang..

Gila rock!! Last night was a blast. Went to a free concert. Felt like the good old days. My sisters ngensot loved xpdc when the were young and golden. They insisted to go to pesta puala Pinang for xpdc concert. Permission granted with parental guidence. So we watched xpdc concert in one happy family. aku pon tiba2 minat la dengan xpdc. Pi tayang satu Kelas gambaq ngn Ali. Enjoying the live performance with mak and ayah watching your moves did scratch the ambiance. But it felt really selamat. Takdak la mat2 rockers gian gila sondoi2 or you know wut. With dad watching our backs i felt save though No flying jumping or wut so ever. That time, Ali was the vocalist..layan Ja.
There was no jumping either last night but we really enjoyed their performace. Like everybody else. The best out of all shows. Hattan pon layan. Fatin kata dia hemsem. Aku tak pecaya. Tapi dia menang Gaya n suara..rupanya aku Ada juga jiwa rock. Mungkin tempias jacket baru ala2 rockstar. Fatin kata rockstar. Tapi aku rasa starock. Tima kasih Fatin for a wanderfool weekend. Nanti bila2 aku rasa nak let out the rock spirit inside me I know where to find you. Kita pi concert crash lagi..

Tribute to aci.

She was our daytime cleaner. She worked on sat till Friday. She would come at noon until she finished cleaning our little house. She had been our daytime cleaner since my late mom was here. At first my mom hired her because she was pregnant and was ou of hands to do all the chores plus 6children in hands. Besides, my mom wanted to help her. Aci's job was ironing my dad's piling clothes and sometime cleaning the dishes. When my mom died, she quit. Over the years when all of us were away, aci came back and worked with us again. Somebody had to take care of the house.she had worked with us for more than 12 years. Not to mention she was our nextdoor neighbour. SometimeS she quite annoying. Non stop talking. Many excuses for not coming to our house. Her useless ungrateful daughter.girl! Her grandson, thamby. She never failed to invite us during depavali but we never came. For certain reasons.And she knew it. So she would packed some food for us. We were the one who sometimes forgot to invite her during our open house. During my last moment with her, she told me about her long love story with her late husband. How they met, get married, how hard their life was. She passed away on Monday. Stroke.. Letchumi, Thank you for cleaning our house for these whole while. For the tips. Sorry for the wrongdoing.

i am home.

just reached home last night. feels like newlyborn.bestnya. the smell, the space, the weather. wholely complete me. have so many wed invits to attend. seriously want one for myself.

Straight

I just cant think straight during this critical moment.

Everyday englishhh

Teacher: one of the characteristics of frog is it lays....
Students: hahahahahaha. Lay lay lay
teacher: why? Whats so funny about laying eggs? Why are u laughing?
Students:(still laughing and saying lay lay lay)
then suddenly one of the students( one that shut still) said:
diorang ejek nama pakcik saya la teacher; leman nama pakcik sy.
Thats not the 1st time this incident happens.
Humming bird. Nama bapa saya hamin teacher.
Ya bada bedu. Nama atuk saya bedu teacher.
And the lists go on and on. Never ending story. Its like every single english word means another new target to tease.
Nama ayah, tokwan, pakcik. Semua kena. Takdak yg terlepas.

Sangat kecewa

Double dissappointments!
1st; i had to cancel my weekend planning going back to kedah.
2nd but the foremost; permohonan pertukaran anda ke kedah tidak diluluskan.
Sistem kita semakin kejam..

LingGo. Protin hidup.

Protin hidup.
Dia pernah lihat perkara semalam harini.
Perkara hari esok lusa.
Perkara yang tak mungkin akan terjadi semalam.
Pernah dia bertanya apa maksud perasaan kecewa.
Dia tak mengerti tapi cuba memahami.
Kerana kecewa baginya bukan perasaan tapi sebuah kehidupan.
Kegembiraan pernah cuba menyelak kuping telinganya.
Seperti angin pusar buih senja desir sunyi.
Seperti nyamuk gila darah. Puas. Dengki. Kurang.
Dia pernah rasa gembira.
Dia pernah rasa bahagia.
Muncul bila mana kenyang.
Hilang bersama kupukupu malam.
Dia tegar hidup tanpa rasa.
Kerana rasa itu bagai bayang siang memusuhi malam.

Teringat kisah dulu.
(Nyamuk tadi tak pernah bohong tentang niatnya.
Fumakilla, ridsect,shieldtox. Pernah ronggakan sistem ini.
Tapi sapa peduli. Dia cuma mahu itu.)
Dulu kalau ayah spray ridsect semua kena kluaq dok luaq rumah. Racun.

PassionS in life.

Do i live life to the fullest? I always create millions excuses that hinder myself to live life.
How do u put the sky as your limit? When theres always cloud lures your way.
Maybe i need fantasy.
Or just a pillow.
I just dont care. Never i say.
Smiles put meTothe top of the edge.
Forgotten pretty well how to shed tears.
Merciless sometimes peuperised me.
Psychopath did somehow made my day.
Garbage collectors. I just couldnt thank you much.
Janitors. Bad of roses every Day.
To all the subject, you and me.
All she needs is just time forherself. Though she should have all of it, she never feels them.
Away from the soul sucker, the brett, the frugal, the nocuous. Everybody.
I just need you. Right here right like now! Would you?
Impossible is your excuse.
I could guess long ago when death do us apart.
Peace be with you and all of them.
Today is friday. Where all the good, bad and ugly things suppose to happen.
I just love myself my day.

my super duper niece..

that cute little nose runs deep in our blood lines...heheheh
segumpal

born on friday 30th April 2010.

never meet her in person yet. tunggu untie balik cuti sekolah ni yer.

action research and the lovely bones.

today i presented an action research in front of excellent teachers, judges as well of fellow presenters.
it was horrible.
i stumbled here and there.. speechless sometimes, shivering all the time. tiba2 teringat time suruh budak2 present their work. selalu pesan" be confident, dont slouch, eye contact. project your voice, suara dari perut.banyak la punya komen skali bila kena kat aku nah ambik, tegagap2, teketaq2, siap landing lutut atas kerusi sebab lembik lutut. couldn't stand up straight. tekan mouse pun susah nak lekat. cos its been a long time since i did my last presentation. last skali waktu kt ukm. but i was not really a good presenter though during that time. but i did pretty well in pesenting my literature works. cos i love literature as much as i hate it. sometimes.
back to the presenation today, i was the worst presenter i guessed. most of the judges advised me to be more confident present next time. salah sorang cakap "you look so nervous" which infact i was nervous and always be infront of crowds. "tak nampak cantik la the way you presented your research" so on and so forth.."takut ke dengan kitorang?" nampak macam takut ja. but they did give me credit on my research topic after all.
very attractive and suitable for students in parit betak sebab mesti diorang tak pernah tgk gambar bewarna macam ni. (downgrading my students some more), helpful for students, good, practical.. though my presentation didn't go so well, the message were clearly delivered, hope so. xtaula menang ke tak. tak kot. in a week baru dapat keputusan.
-end of discussion-

i just watched the lovely bones movie. pirated one of cos. dah cari 1 bp tapi xda yang tayang filem ni. so pirated cd is my last resort.
i dont expect much from the adaptation movie. sebab mesti kureng daripada buku.. though tak banyak yang aku ingat daripada buku tu tapi i still can remember the important parts in the novel which i think shouldnt be change. but overall i still could feel the same strong feeling for some parts in the movie that the novel offers. bagi 3 bintang setengah. kurang satu setengah sebab ubah part part yang tak sepatutnya..

photoshoot session...

2 Anasaee 2010.

very colourfulllll..

some short, some tall.

some handsome, some less handsome,

and mostly beautiful.

comes with all sizes,

round, thick,thin,big,small,less big and less small.

varies according to i may shall say tribe.

every day is a challenge for them and for teachers.

to learn and to teach.

growing mentally and physically infront of each other eyes.

every day is a learning process for both teacher and students.

hello 25.

tomorrow i'll turn 25..a year older than today.

goreng cucuq jagung to celebrate new age.

nak menandakan yang umur 25 masa untuk mencuba skill memasak yg ada tapi kurang berkilat.

cuma nak hari hari ku lebih semangat dan kurang marah.

just want this world to be greener again.

so for a start, just bought 3 gojers plants: rosemary, mint and stevia. selain dari pokok pisang, limau purut, kunyit idup, lengkuas, kangkung, pegagaga, kacang botoi, ada la jugak tambahan pokok herbs ala2 org putih bagi memeriahkan kawasan benut ni.

nak red things..lama sgt dah xda benda2 meriah colour ni.

yellow also will do.

or lemon green.

kawin?

just wait and see.

if not next year, the next following year pon xkisah.

janji kawin.

kan kan kan.

nak kaya.

the faces.

2 anasaee. so much tension in this class alone. last week i decided to hang up the curtains for my class. dah dekat 4 bulan tertangguh ok. dah dapat surat amaran pertama sebab tahap kecerian tak mencapai 60%..
this week, we got 2nd warning. kena fine rm5. hahaha..yang naik nama cikgu kelas. depa xtau ka yang kena buat semua pun cekgu kelas. starting from jadual waktu, carta2, semua aku. yang dapat malu kelas kotor pon aku. cet.

just got back from cameron highland. bawak bdk2 ting 5 sains pertanian. 3 org lengkap beruniform sekolah kantoi smoking dekat laluan ke surau waktu benti solat subuh kt RnR tapah. tak agak2 nak smoking pon. dah tau sah sah la cekgu2nya dalam surau tu. apala cerdik sgt depa ni. hukumannya?? :- kenai pakai uniform sekolah sepanjang waktu rombongan. start p smpaila balik kena pakai baju sekolah. bdk2 lain melaram dengan fesyen masing2. depa 3 orang kena pakai baju sekolah. huarghuarghuargh. muka ganas tapi pakai baju sekolah. p mkn malam pakai baju sekolah. srapan pakai baju sekolah. jalan2 di pasar pakai baju sekolah. beli strawberi pakai baju sekolah.
kesian pon ada la jugak.. tapi sapa soh cabaq cekgu2 laki. heheh.

defining.

define happiness. then you'll define, me strolling along the bits and pieces of yesterdays.
define gratitude. then you'll see me close my eyes beneath my hands.
define mercy. then you'll hear no laughter in my giggeling.
define hollow. look through the abandoned tunnel around you.
press your heart on mine. then define sadness.
define satisfaction. finding the real message thoroughout the thick pages.

define life. then you will see colours emerge from every angel of my eyes.
define money. beauty lies in the wallet of the beholder.. poisionously true.
define friends. count the friendlists minus the friends.
define best friend. lies behind your back when they should sit beside you.
define her. be my guest.
define him when is needed.

boys always want to be the first with girls,
and girls always want to be the last with boys.

hers.

my big sister's wedding invit card:
front cover.

10 perkara apa yang anas suka buat dengan kak putih.

(this is not his best pic though)

this morning i recieved a letter from my younger brother, anas who turns 11 last january. he wrote about 10 things he enjoyed doing with me during last school holiday. act he was forced to write that. here are the lists.

1. berjogin dengan kak putih

2. pegi makan pagi dekat Mee Abu

3. pegi main boling dengan abang wan

4. kita geng, tak geng dengan kak ina.

(perkara yang anas ingat tentang kak putih)

5. kak putih suka tengok cerita csi dan orang perempuan sengau.(guess who?)

6. suka lena pada pukul 4

7. kak putih suka kentut....tak sanggup nak type. to good to be true.

8. kak putih suka baca novel.

9. anas rindu nak main boling dengan kak putih

10. jangan lupa balas surat ini.

so here what i'll reply to him.

10 perkara yang kak putih ingat tentang anas.

1. anas terer main ps2. kak putih selalu kalah ngn anas.

2. anas suka teh o ais.

3. gaya anas main boling sungguh bersungguh2 walaupun masuk longkang jer memanjang.

4. pagi pagi gerak anas pegi jogin, susah nak bangun tapi bila anas dengaq pintu bilik ayah buka anas terus bangun dengan outomatic p bilik ayaq.

5. anas suka lukis gambaq kereta, kereta kebal, helicopter, and jet since u were 3 years old.

6. Anas suka bagi duit kat kakak kalau kakak tolong anas apa2. selalunya rm2.

7. Anas suka menyanyi. paling kakak ingat skali anas suka menyanyi lagu bunga emas masa anas umuq 3 or 4 thn.

8. Anas very protective. kalau ada orang mengorat kakak kakak anas paling marah. anas lawan balik. anas akan cakap apa tengok2. tak malu ka. rasa selamat jer jalan ngn anas.

9. kalau makan luaq anas akan p toilet n kak putih la org yang kena teman anas.

10. anas tak penah keluaq rumah tanpa gel rambut. rambut anas sentiasa kemas.

banyak lagi. tapi dah penuh list 10.

like her hair.

audrey tautou.

her smile charmed me. her hairdo numbed me. her movie, amelie. suka la dia.

new possesion.

new shoes for new week..

iswal and i bought a pair of shoes each yesterday.. no intentions at all for shopping. just need to buy book.and indeed i did buy a book.to kill a mocking- bird.been heard bout this book for ages but never thought to read it..

then we both saw these awsome shoes. many of them actually. with different colours and shapes.. iswal liked the one that we bought.not much difference with the one i liked. same colour but different pattern. i actually liked this one but ended buying like hers. cos it looks nicer on my feet..

iswal and posed last night. soo keen to wear them today. but they look kind of kembang on my feet but still i love these shoes..

what i need for now.

colourful life. now my life is so grey. mixture of white and black. mana hijau pucuk paku? mana kuning kerepek? mana merah halimah? xdak. p mana tatau la.

vibrant energy cos i'm so sleepy and tired around the clock kecuali kalau dlm kelas. xsempat nak kelip mata. there're always something that will keep my eyes wide open although sometimes my spirit is nowhere to be found.

new handbag. seriously to date bag is so down to drain. smua zip dah tecabut. so, just tinggal 1 jer skrg yang aku suka. kamonla, women need atleast how many handbags? based on k.ina, we atleast need 3 handbags. the 'it' bag, the cocktail purse and the extra large bag. as such i reall need 2s more. aku sgt tak membazir selepas pegang duit sendiri cos hell i know how hard is to earn every penny. sayang nak spend. but i'm always broke in the middle of the month. when was the last time i had a really true shopping? thousand years ago i guess. tu pon atas belas ehsan ayah. aduhh.

ideas. for teaching. i really need to crack open my head and lick all the leftover of creativity.. desperate moment. cos nowadays studs are easily bored with talk and chalk and handouts. they need drama..they hunger for glam0ur. so let the game begins.

loves for everybody.. cos i so damn hate every one that blocks my way to the washroom. sebab now i really need to blow my nose every 20 secs.. flu.

my voice back. lost it again. 2nd time in two years teching. kena belajar keluar suara dari perut ni.. save my vocal cord.

that's all for now..

time won't tell everything.

why is hard for her to just left all behind.

when time could no longer show the future.

where all the surprises were too brutal to be wait for.

when there's no light to even the sad tone on her face.

but the colour of his belligerent eyes.

move her obstinate heart.

down, flatten then bloom over again.

crack, open, unwrap the gratified she.

well, she is her.

like everybody used to say,

bye is never near her.

not in her dependent mind.

time won't tell everything.

when she just stood there to be told.

the path of her dreams. their dreams..

that's what he used to tame her wild spirit.

with dreams.

never ending dreams.

and she foresees them.

she is not me. not even her. you maybe.

nobody's confession.

-rus-

some thoughts of motherhood

some thoughts that i'd quote from rd. so true though i never been a mother yet. just a daughter of one great mom.

• Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby... that somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.
• Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct... that somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
• Somebody said being a mother is boring... that somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.
• Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"... that somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.
• Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices... that somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.
• Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother... that somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.
• Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first... that somebody doesn't have five children.
• Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books... that somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.
• Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery... that somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten... or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."
• Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back... that somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.
• Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married... that somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.
• Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home... that somebody never had grandchildren.
• Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her... that somebody isn't a mother

love you mom, always do.

the negativity about me.

Today i 've gut to write again. its been sometimes since the last post. i'd type and then i backout. just not in the mood. i just love reading other people's blogs. really enjoying that and i did learn something out of it. i've soo many things to spill out but lack of everything in putting them down.


There's always a big wall againts me. i just become cleared about that when i was watching "run fat boy run" . not that i didn't realise about it before this.i just dont want to. it's hard to run down the big wall. for a person who is 25 and always depend on others decisions. i just wait for something to happen. i love life without comitment and responsibility. i love when i accomplisht little things which is good i guesss. i did blame on others on their decisions. i just need to be clear on what i want.

This year, i dont have any resolution. just want to do my part well. i just want to be a grateful daughter to my dad and my moms. a good sister to my sisters and brothers and a better teacher to my students. overall, i just want to be good to everyone especially to all my family members. missing them already. sorry tok. just hurting them too much wif my foul mouth.

I easily fall for others yet hate them at the same time.gila. so much envy in my heart. i just need to get rid of these bad feelings toward others. i have such a good life but never appreciate it. i hate everything about my life when i suppose to be gratefull. i just want to be home. when everything runs below me. here everything just flows above me. i've been so left out with everything. kak ina's getting married and i'm stuck here. to sad to think about it. when i will be back? the night before her big day..sorry.

the lists are just too long..i just hope that this year will be the year. tiba-tiba tringat lagu change.

rindu la.